The Night Is Darkest Before

The sun is rising over the horizon line of rooftops. A watercolor backdrop to the greys of the buildings.


I need to paint.


Or sleep.

I had something really interesting to say, but got sidetracked with this instead.

Elephants should be purple. Not grey. Grey is such a boring color. Sometimes. Although, elephants being purple would just be incredible. They'd look like a tropical bird, but huge and monochromatic and...well, huge. Not just any shade of purple either. More along the lines of vibrant-neon-pink-purple-with-a-touch-of-silver color.

I am most definitely going to paint this. I just have to. And then you will all understand what I am imagining in my head. I'll be sure to post a picture when I'm finished with it.

One of my friends and I were talking at work. She was telling me about her boyfriend and how things were going really good between the two of them. She then randomly asked me about another one of our coworkers and if I thought he was cute or not. Of course I responded with, "He's really, really cute." She laughs and then goes on to tell me that he was the really sweet guy in her math class that she had told me all about the week before.

To make a long story short, she is on a mission to try and get us together. I mean I think he is very attractive, but aside from the few things she's told me about him, I know nothing about him. He's younger than me by two years (which isn't at all a problem with me), he works in the same building as us, goes to the same school (and we're all taking the same precalc class, just at different times), and is a super nice and sweet guy.

Not exactly anything that really catches my attention (unlike the guy I am currently crushing on that will never, ever go anywhere), but I can't stop thinking about him. I don't know what she said that changed my thinking all of a sudden, but he's just lurking around in my subconscious.

Well, tomorrow I get to see him out of the work environment for the first time when I walk my friend to the class they have together. Which I hope is not canceled because of the giant snowstorm that is hitting the Midwest right now.

Anyways, this post was supposed to be about something else, but I decided that purple elephants and the crush I'm developing on this boy was more...I'm not sure what I thought. Hopefully I'll post something much more semi-intelligent next time.

There will always be a box. There is nothing outside that box. Outside is rationally impossible.

I don't understand why some people think that giving in is a form of manipulation. It's really just idiocy. One of my classmates was telling me the other night about one of her ex-boyfriends. She was telling me about how manipulative he was and what she was doing in retaliation. If you can even call it that. She decided that she would be annoying and clingy to make him go away. She basically played into his hands. Did everything that he wanted her to. Became his little bitch. And then she is goes on about how she made his life a living hell so that he would leave. Yet he had demoralized her to the point where she could no longer do anything on her own.

And she was proud of this.

At least that was the impression that I got from her.

I hesitate to call her a friend for this and quite a few other facts. She is very...closed-minded. Pathetic, to say in the least, and quite simple. Nice to debate with though. It's nice to find someone who sticks to their guns and doesn't group think. Even if they are stuck in the proverbial box.

After she tells me about this story (before hand I had mentioned that I am quite good at manipulating situations and people), she asks me to manipulate some random fact out of her. I told her frankly that if I am manipulating, I spend weeks to months with one single thing. Impatience is a virtue that I have the privilege to behold, so if I want to know a random fact, I will just ask very bluntly. I wouldn't go through the trouble of trying to get an idea into someone's head or making them do what I want for something trivial or pointless.

She, I do believe, thinks that I'm full of bullshit.

Which is precisely what I want her to believe. Ah, that joys of establishing doubt. One of the easiest ideas to manipulate.

I have also shown her that I possess intelligence. We did math homework together. She copied my work and I ended up not only correcting her homework, but answering all the questions that I had about our previous assignment in doing so. And she is the one going into engineering. This worries me slightly, but isn't of too much concern to me.

Enough of my infernal ranting. I needed to get this sorted in my mind before tonight. So that I'm not talking gibberish and bitching at the bar and confusing everyone.

I will leave you with this though, dear readers: there is no box.

Snow Covered Trees

The snow fall yesterday was particularly stunning. I hate snow in every aspect but how it looks. And tastes. And the satisfying sounds it makes when it hits something. Back to my point, I usually hate snow. Too cold; bad circulation in my fingers plus joints that should belong in an eighty-year-old's body does not equal delightful to me. But seeing its stark white color against the greys and browns and greens of the trees is breathtaking to say in the least. 

For example, the tree in my front yard, that I am currently staring at intently, has very little snow on it at the moment. But there is a small patch of whiteness clinging to the base. As though it is hugging the sleeping tree. The greys of the bark peeks through the snow's embrace, lightening towards the very warm sun that is shining this morning. 

I just adore trees. They see so much of the world, and hold it all inside of them throughout the years. Such longs years they are. Decades of seasons, they grow tall and strong. 

The wind is blowing outside. The snow is being picked up off branches and flung through the air. The snowflakes refract the sunlight that hits them, sparkling like facets of tiny diamonds. Almost magical.

Back to the trees. Trees symbolize life and strength. Throughout history, religion, and mythology, trees have major roles and hold much power and symbolism. In the Bible, there is the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evi, Tree of Life, and Christ himself was a carpenter by trade. He even dies on a wooden cross a sacrifice to give us life eternal. In many different mythologies and cultures, there are tree spirits within each tree. Even in faery tales and fiction you will find that trees hold a special power and meaning. 


Each individual type of tree has its own meaning. Pinkie D'Cruz wrote up a list of almost every tree and their meanings which you can check out here. Though basic, it is an interesting list and nice reference (it's even in alphabetical order!). 


To me personally, trees mean rebirth and eternal strength. Trees go through the cycles of life as we go through the seasons. Spring there is awakening and new life, new growth; Summer is growth and learning, bearing the fruits of labor at it's close; Autumn is the harvest, reaching the end of the road; Winter is sleep and death until the rebirth of a new day.